Has infidelity come between you? Exhausting arguments that never end? Has there been an imbalance in the family due to living together with your, my and our children? Have you drifted apart? Is your sex life a city in Russia? Do you suddenly think you might have chosen the wrong person? Is it hard to juggle everyday life with career, children, friends and the rest? Are you under pressure due to life-threatening illness, death or a challenging child? – Then couples counselling and therapy might be a good idea.

Creating an enriching relationship is one of the most difficult challenges we face in our lives. But it’s also one of the greatest joys when we succeed. So when our relationships are stuck, we may need outside help.

Often in our relationships, we may think it’s the partner who needs to change in order for the relationship to survive. But it’s rarely that simple. In couples therapy with me, you get help to recognize what has crept into the space between you. You will be given the tools to listen to the other person and not just hear what you think they are saying, but hear what they are actually trying to say. The path will consist of small steps towards restoring a greater sense of safety and an endeavor to keep a watchful eye on the places where the ‘old habits’ creep in.

Creating more intimacy in the relationship

Many couples find that the otherwise safe, nurturing bond with their partner can sometimes be challenged and an emotional distance arises between you. How do you find the good contact again when the presence is not present for a shorter or longer period of time? In therapy with me, we work towards restoring the good, safe contact and closeness and you will be given tools to handle situations where you drift apart.

Together we look at the negative patterns that take you away from each other, look at what triggers each of you, what emotions come into play, what do you do, what do you long for and how do you reach out to your partner again. Many couples find that there are deeper roots (from growing up in a family, school, previous relationships, etc.) associated with the emotions that are expressed when we are triggered and often it will make sense that we are triggered on this particular theme. One of the goals of couples therapy is to learn to share the vulnerable so that it does not have to be exiled within each of us, but can be aired, lived and contribute to increased intimacy.

Who can come to couples therapy?

All couples can come to couples counselling regardless of age and gender. The most important thing is that you have decided to work on creating greater security in your relationship and that you are both on board. If you are unsure whether you should stay together or disagree about the future of your relationship, we will first have some clarifying conversations before starting any couple therapy programme. Unfortunately, many couples wait until the conflicts have become almost insurmountable before seeking couples therapy, parterapeut. My recommendation is to seek help before the challenges have grown too big and you have hurt each other unnecessarily. If there is abuse, violence, serious mental illness, major financial challenges or anything else that makes a safe relationship between you difficult, I recommend that we talk about whether couples counselling is best for you right now.

Relationships in crisis

There can be many reasons for a relationship crisis and no reason is too small to seek help. Going from dating to becoming parents to one or more children is a transition that challenges many couples. From a more casual life to being responsible for a family is a transition we can’t prepare for, but one that we realise affects many. Where did the spontaneity and fun go? What happened to us as lovers? When under pressure, the negative pattern can move into the space between us, and many people find that the distance to their partner increases during periods.

Later in life, we realize that the transition from having children at home to everyone – except my partner – having left the nest is also a challenging time for many couples. Suddenly, it’s just us and what do we want from life and each other now? For some couples, this transition is relatively easy, but for others, a lot comes into play in terms of regained freedom: what should fulfil life? what about intimate life? What about my, your and mutual needs?

Many other issues can cause relationship crises that are worth seeking help for: intimate life doesn’t work, long periods of fertility treatment, being a blended family with your children and my children, challenges with the children or with ourselves, illness, death, infidelity and much more can creep into the space between us and increase the distance